New YouTube Video Available

Many people have asked about our legacy product: the Stress: Beyond Coping Instructor CD. This is an invaluable tool to help health educators and medical professionals conduct their own Stress: Beyond Coping stress management programs. It has been used and endorsed by:

• Hospitals and Clinics
• Businesses
• Lifestyle Centers and Fitness Clubs
• Schools
• Churches and
• Community Service Centers

To explain just how great we think it is, we have posted a new YouTube video all about it. You can view the video here:

And here's where you can buy this resource.

Please do let us know if there are any more products you would like more information on. We would be happy to help.

Phantom Stress -- Does it Prey on You?

My five year old daughter leaned over my shoulder as I put the finishing touches on a slide presentation, her face puckered into a grimace. "Mommy," she asked, "Why do you have to show pictures of the insides of people's brains? That's gross."

I was suprised. This is my scientifically-minded child, the one who enjoys sitting in my lap and reading books on almost any science topic imaginable. Just a few days earlier I had described to her the way sound waves travel into the ear, vibrating the ear drum and arrving in the brain as encoded, neural messages. Casting around for the simplest explanation, I finally said, "I'm just trying to explain how certain thoughts get into people's minds."

"Oh," she said, looking relieved. "Well, all you have to tell them is to break their eardrums and all the thoughts will go right in."

Actually, she wasn't completely wrong. We do sometimes manufacture stressful feelings -- fear, anxiety, anger, frustration, etc -- based on the sensory information about the outside world coming in through our eyes, ears, nose, mouth, etc. When we see a bumblebee, memories of previous (perhaps painful) encounters with bees immediately come to mind and trigger a full-blown stress response. Sometimes this is a very good thing, because it prepares us mentally and physically to deal with present dangers.

The problem is that sometimes we create stressful thoughts and emotions when there's really nothing to be stressed about. In Stress: Beyond Coping lingo, we call this "Phantom Stress."

Phantom Stress comes from 2 sources:

1. Getting Signals Crossed. Sometimes we misread the sensory signals coming into our minds, making a threat out of something that is not threatening at all. Do you remember, as a small child, spying a monster looming menacingly out of the shadows of a moonlit bedroom, only to realize the next moment that it was something else entirely, like a beanbag chair? That's a good example of the first kind of phantom stress. Now, how about an example more relevant for us grown-ups. I can remember times that I've gotten hurt or angry, just to find out later that I completely misread the situation. Has that ever happened to you? How much emotional stress and anxiety did you go through over it? Was it worth it?



2. Phantom Signals. The second kind does not depend on sensory signals at all. In fact, it has nothing to do with what's going on around you right now. This kind of Phantom Stress is created in our minds as we re-live stressful events in our past, or worry about the potential stresses of the future. Let's say you've had a bad day. A REALLY bad day. Maybe even a car accident/relationship blow-up/courtroom drama kind of day. Now you're lying in bed, stewing over the day's events. Are they part of your current reality? No, they are in your past. Yet, just thinking about them is probably raising your blood pressure a little. Or perhaps you are ruminating over something coming up tomorrow, perhaps a big job interview or a court case. Is it part of your current reality? No, these events (which may or may not happen) are part of your future. And yet, you are experiencing stress over them right now.
   

Don't get me wrong -- it is simply part of human nature to review past events and anticipate future ones. This is part of what makes us thinking, learning, and planning human beings. But when we choose to wallow in Phantom Stress, we are constantly putting our bodies through the physiological rigors of stress when there is really nothing to be stressed about. Phantom Stress thrives in an internal milieu of past regrets and future fears, and it can eat away at our physical and mental well-being in the process.

The best way of dealing with Phantom Stress is to turn it into something positive:

• When you and I find that we've gotten our signals crossed, our first thought should be, "What have we learned from this experience that we will not do again in the future?"


• When past mistakes are brought to mind, we can choose to use those memories to bolster a stronger resolve to make wiser decisions in the future.


• And instead of worrying about what may (or may not) happen tomorrow, we can choose to whole-heartedly embrace the goodness and joy found in today. After all, we will never live this day again.

I wish you the best of health.

New Resources on the SBC website and on Squidoo

I just wanted to let you know that we have recently added some new resources.

Our latest DVD, entitled "The Shadowlands of Stress and Depression: How to Find Your Way Back to the Light" is now available at our store.

Also, we are starting to add "lenses" on different stress topics at Squidoo. View our first one here.

Finally, for those of you on Facebook, we invite you to join the Stress: Beyond Coping page here.

As always, we wish you the best of health.

The Healing Balm of Forgiveness

Resentment is an extremely bitter diet, and eventually poisonous. I have no desire to make my own toxins. -Neil Kinnick

Getting hurt by someone you care about is truly one of the worst pains in life. Have you ever gone through a hurt that you just couldn't let go? What does it feel like to hold a grudge? Perhaps even the thought of person that hurt you burns into your brain like battery acid, leaving a deep groove that seems impossible to climb out of. Perhaps that acid seeps into other parts of the your body as well, causing all sorts of inexplicable aches and pains. Interestingly, a recent survey of almost 10,000 Americans found that those who carry a grudge have higher rates of stomach ulcers, arthritis, back problems, headaches and pain. [1]

This survey also confirmed something that we have long suspected: hard-heartedness is very bad for your heart. The survey participants who reported less forgiveness were more likely to have experienced heart disease, heart attacks, and high blood pressure. For these individuals, the following quote by Malachy McCourt is sadly appropriate: "Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die." On the other hand, another study on cardiac patients reported that higher levels of forgiveness results in lower levels of anxiety, depression, stress, and bad cholesterol, which all decrease the risk of future cardiovascular events. [2]

"Gee, thanks," you might be saying. "I already figured out that an unforgiving heart is bad for my health. Can you tell me what to do about it?!"

Dr. Dick Tibbits, psychologist and Chief People Officer at Florida Hospital, has written a magnificent book on this subject: Forgive to Live: How Forgiveness Can Save Your Life. [3] Here are the 10 principles of forgiveness, as outlined in his book:

1. Accept that life is not fair and that not everyone plays by the same set of rules. Although this can be a tough pill to swallow, remember that forgiveness does not necessarily mean that you condone the behavior. Rather, forgiveness is deliberately choosing to overlook the behavior -- not for the other person's benefit, but for your own. Forgiveness sets you free from all the negative emotions that can quite literally eat away at you mentally and physically.
2. Stop blaming others for your circumstances. What happened in the past is, simply put, in the past. Where you are now is your business. Don't allow your offender's actions in the past to steer your present life.
3. Understand that you can not change the other person; you can only change yourself. Don't focus on the other person. Instead, find and capitalize on the opportunities for personal growth this situation has given you.
4. Acknowledge the anger and hurt that the past event is causing you. Anger can be a positive emotion if it motivates you to find your way out of a negative situation. Learn how to control it and express it in a constructive way.
5. Re-frame your "grievance story" by placing it into a broader perspective. Think of individuals like Corrie ten Boom and Victor Frankl, survivors of Nazi concentration camps, who channeled their stories into personal testimonies that continue to help millions to learn how to forgive.
6. Recognize that only you can make the choice to forgive.
7. Empathize with your offender. "To err is..." That's right, "human." Remember that we have all, at one time or another, needed the forgiveness of others.
8. Intentionally move from discontent toward contentment. Even in the best of circumstances, there will always be something to be unhappy about. It is equally true that there will always -- ALWAYS -- be reasons to be grateful and content. The choice is up to you.
9. Understand that forgiveness will take time and can not be rushed. There will still be times when that person or event will cross your mind. With those memories may also come some pain, and that is perfectly OK. Give yourself time to heal.
10. Take responsibility for your life and your future. Instead of throwing your energy into the black hole of bitterness, invest it in living the rest of your life in a positive, fulfilling way.

Remember that a life well-lived is the best (and healthiest) form of "revenge." And when you can think of your offender and sincerely wish him/her a good life as well, you will know that you have achieved forgiveness.

[1] Messias E, Saini A, Sinato P, Welch S (2010) Bearing grudges and physical health: relationship to smoking, cardiovascular health and ulcers. Soc Psychiatry Psychiatr Epidemiol 45(2):183-7.
[2] Friedberg JP, Suchday S, Srinivas VS (2009) Relationship between forgiveness and psychological and physiological indices in cardiac patients. Int J Behav Med 16(3):205-11.
[3] (2006) Published by Integrity Publishers, a division of Integrity Media, Inc, Franklin, TN